Bringing Light to Shame Starting May 23, 2020 (Video Conferencing or Self-Paced)

Saturday, May 23, 2020
10:00 AM 12:00 PM

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Is this you?

You might not name shame as a part of the problem. Shame often goes undetected. Struggles with shame usually have other labels like: not standing up for yourself when you need to, withdrawing from something you really want, giving up on your dreams, overworking, feeling small in certain situations, having poor boundaries, wishing your body was different, hearing yourself say you’re not good enough, or shutting down in a vulnerable moment.

If you do recognize shame, you know it sometimes lurks in the dark corners of your consciousness and you are ready to shine a light there. You are ready to take a look at what triggers shame and connect to the vulnerable feelings and needs underneath.

You have a longing to feel more whole and alive in your life as well as more skillful in your relationships. You know that parts of who you are have been sent into exile and you are ready to reclaim those parts. You know that this means embracing vulnerability and being with discomfort.

You have enough support in your life to do this difficult work of moving into relationship with shame and cultivating a sense of self that has you thriving in your life and in your relationships. You can see how a lack of access to a solid sense of your own worth blocks your ability to engage in relationships the way you would like.

What is it all about?

Shame is the feeling you get when you perceive that your worth or basic sense of goodness is threatened. It's about your identity, who you are as a person. This is distinct from guilt, which is the feeling you get when you perceive that your behavior is out of alignment with your values.

Shame means you are telling yourself you should or should’nt be a certain way.

Shame arises in regard to your identity. It arises when you think that you are not being the person you think you should be or would like to be. Behind shame there are thoughts (often unconscious) that are some version of, “I have been a bad person and deserve punishment.” Shame is often just outside of conscious awareness and so can be hard to identify. Shame is often accompanied by a narrowing of perspective and confused thinking making it difficult to do any self-reflection or reach out for support. Out of shame, you may unconsciously stop asking for what you need and just go along with whatever someone else says. Shame like all feelings lives along a continuum of intensity. Here is an example, with intensity increasing from left to right.

Discomfort - Self-Conscious - Embarrassed – Small - Shame

Shame can be triggered by your own thoughts and behavior, by conditions in your environment, or by the behavior of others. The idea isn’t to try to control conditions perfectly so that you never experience shame. Rather, the hope is to cultivate compassionate awareness, see things as they truly are, and make use of skills that return you to having a sense of being grounded in your values and your innate goodness.

In this four week online series, you will learn how to bring shame fully into the light of consciousness and build a compassionate and skillful relationship to it.

Here are some topics for the four week series:

Internal resources and thriving

Self-awareness, mindfulness, anchoring, expansive identity, and a compassionate relationship to your experience are a few of the skills we will access to build internal resources in the context of shame.

Getting to Know Shame

We will talk about the life-serving purpose of shame (what needs it is trying to protect) and how it moves from serving life to being a toxin. We will study shame at the subtle level of body, energy, emotion, thoughts, beliefs, and posture. We will practice using the body as resource to shift into an expansive perspective when shame arises.

Translating Into Feelings and Needs

Whether it is shame or any other voice of judgment, feelings and needs are present underneath. We will practice recognizing the voice of shame as an expression of feelings and needs and offering empathy to that voice.

Embodying the Energy of the Need & Appreciation

We often talk about needs as met or unmet. This is the most salient aspect of our experience. At a more subtle level, we can also experience needs as life-serving energies existing fully on their own. Learning to access these essential qualities or energies gives you access to resources in the most difficult of experiences. Appreciation, is another door to accessing the energy of the need and we will practice with a specific structure for appreciation.

Making Peace with Yourself

From parents, environment, conditioning and other infinite influences we can’t name, you have inherited a whole package of characteristics, habits, proclivities, challenges, etc. that you relate to with varying levels of acceptance. Shame pulls out particular parts of this package and tries to cover them up or push them away. By breaking down your sense of "me" into smaller bits you can more easily relate to each aspect of experience with compassion.

Join us for this four week online seris and learn concepts and skills that will serve you for a lifetime.

What to expect:

You will interact with other students who are grounded in the values of mindfulness and compassion and bring a strong intention for growth and transformation. You will engage in conceptual learning, group discussion, experiential learning, and skills practice. Practice exercises will be done individually, in pairs, and in small groups. You will apply examples that you choose from your own life in each exercise.

Wise Heart has many dedicated students. Any given class series will be a mix of students who are new to Wise Heart and students who know the trainers and each other from previous courses.

Understanding the online format

Students will be signing in from their own location in real time, at the same time. We will be able to see and hear each other in little boxes on the screen. For visibility, it's important to have a light in front of you, not behind you. The technology allows for breaking up into pairs or small groups, which I can visit and check in with just as I would do in an in-person course.

It's okay to miss one class in the series. You will receive a recording of the class and be asked to view it and do the corresponding exercises before the next class. Students won't be shown on the recording, but can be heard.

You can also opt to take the series only through the recording and to participate in discussion via the online format.

With the online format you can participate in a weekly discussion with all students. I recommend that you find someone to do the course exercises with if you are receiving the recording.

You will receive a detailed workbook as a part of the class, which you will need to have with you for each class. This workbook is packed with information and contains instructions for each experiential exercise.

Details:

Live attendance means:

Attending at least three of the four classes.

Arriving on time to each class (10:00am PDT).

Attending and participating for the duration of the class. There will be a 10-minute break in the middle It is disruptive for group learning and process to come in and out of a single class session; please plan to attend by recording if you cannot stay for the full two hours of the class. Let me know if you will arrive a few minutes late to a given class.

Consistent access to internet speeds and connectivity that support video conferencing (600kbps/1.2Mbps (up/down) for HQ video; 1.5Mbps/1.5Mbps (up/down) for gallery view).

Facility with using the Zoom video conferencing system. Please ask to consult with one of the staff members at Wise Heart if you are unsure about this aspect of your attendance.

Logging in each week using the initial instructions and meeting ID # you received before the start of the course.
Optional participation in the weekly online discussion with all students enrolled in the course.

Self-paced attendance means:

As self-paced participants, you will receive an extensive workbook as well as access to the video recordings of each session within 24 hours of the end of the session (12:00pm PDT).
You can ask to be assigned a study buddy to work with if you like.
Questions regarding the material, recordings, and practice each week will be answered by LaShelle via email correspondence. Please place the word QUESTION in all caps in the subject line so that we can track them and respond in a timely manner.
Optional participation in a weekly online discussion with all students enrolled in the course.

For more technical information about zoom, you can go here.