Finding a New Quality of Connection
In the work of Mindful Compassionate Dialogue we often speak of a natural giving of the heart that arises from the cultivation of a particular quality of connection. Where does this fit with the important racial justice work happening now? Making progress with racial justice requires dismantling current systems and creating new systems based on equity. Creating something new requires new ways of thinking and relating, a deeper quality of connection with self and others. Let’s look at how to recognize that particular quality of connection and a few strategies for cultivating it.
When you have a quality of connection with yourself or another that opens the door to creativity, new perspectives, and synergistic collaboration, you will notice one or more of the following:
You recognize the universal humanity in yourself and another.
You feel care and compassion for your own and another’s experience.
You feel uncomfortable because you’re not sure what will happen next.
You feel vulnerable because you are sharing authentically from the heart.
You are willing to let go of old ideas about how something should go and try something new.
You feel curious about your own experience or another’s.
You trust a balance of listening and being heard.
You get surprised by new experiences and new ideas.
You prioritize staying connected, and are not willing to sacrifice that connection for the sake of asserting your view or opinion.
What does it take to access and support this type of connection with yourself and another person? The answer to this is rich and varied. We will just name a few possibilities here:
Empathy: Learn to listen not only to the story of what’s happening, but also to the underlying universal needs. When you can identify universal needs, no matter how different someone’s story is from yours, you will find a sense of connection.
Consciousness of fear and shame: Everyone experiences fear and shame. Fear and shame often are present when you reach to create a new quality of connection. The extent to which you can acknowledge them and let them be there is the extent to which you can stay grounded in relating from your heart.
Connect with your own experience: When you remain distant from your own experience, you will remain distant from others. Find ways to express feelings, tell important parts of your story to a compassionate listener, and let yourself feel what’s true for you.
Build trust through action: Most communication is nonverbal. When you take consistent action that is kind and supportive, trust is built. Look for ways that you can step out of your comfort zone to show up for another.
Prioritizing connection means prioritizing each other enough to work through differences, let go of the familiar, and embrace a new way forward. When you make space in your heart for caring about the well-being of all, anything is possible.
Practice
Take a moment now and look through the bulleted lists above. What do you recognize as a part of your experience in the last week or so? What is one thing that’s missing that you would like to engage with in the coming week?