As you practice disentangling yourself from arguments, it helps to know the signs of success. As you find your center and unhook yourself from reactivity in the midst of an argument, here are some things you might notice:
You sit back, your body relaxes, and you breathe more fully.
Warmth comes into your heart.
You know you will be okay if the current situation doesn’t get resolved right away.
You feel confident about getting your needs met even it isn’t in the way you planned.
You are willing to hear the other person and honor their feelings and needs.
A natural giving or spaciousness arises in which you find it easy to let go of "your way."
You access creativity about how needs could be met in new ways.
As you see through the trance of your reactive state and come back to center, you experience a physical and emotional release from a contracted state. Energy can flow again, allowing warmth, spaciousness, and creativity.
As you learn to release your attachment to preferences and ‘shoulds’ in favor of trusting connection as the best strategy to meet needs, you naturally interrupt reactivity and return your attention to the quality of connection.
This week notice when you are connected in a difficult situation. Let yourself be very aware of your body, emotions, thoughts, and words. Mindfully notice every aspect of your experience of staying connected and grounded. This kind of mindfulness around success with connection helps deepen your trust in a new way of relating.