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How to Communicate Effectively & Resolve Conflict: Introductory Series Beginning September 10, 2019 (Portland, OR)

  • 4312 Southeast Stark Street Portland, OR, 97215 United States (map)
Wise Heart Intro Workshop Communication .jpg

Is this you?

You are dedicated to living an authentic life with compassion for yourself and others.  You understand that the skillful communication and conflict resolution are essential ingredients for living in harmony with others. You have pursued a variety of personal growth and transformation resources and enjoyed learning and growing. And yet with the day to day of relationships you would like more skill and ease. Even when you do your best to communicate well and you find yourself caught in conflicts that don’t resolve easily.

You may be new to Mindful Compassionate Dialogue or you have taken classes before and want to continue practicing. You are ready to dedicate significant attention to this part of life. You are willing to learn new ways of understanding relationships, cultivate new skills, and deepen mindfulness. You are ready to practice in a safe environment that includes vulnerability and self-reflection.  You are ready for support in empathic listening, identify & express core values/needs, making requests, setting boudaries, repairing hurt, & negotiating agreements.

What to expect:

In this introductory each class will involve presentation of material, experiential learning exercises, and discussion. Exercises are structured to maximize learning and integration through the use of mindfulness, embodiment, role plays, and experiments. Exercise instructions will be in your handout to provide ease and clarity in participation. If at any time an exercise doesn’t work for you, one of trainers will help you redesign it to meet your learning needs.

You will work in pairs and small groups. Most exercises are between 20-40 minutes. You get to choose what you practice with for each exercise. The level of vulnerability from which you engage is only that which you choose in order to support your learning needs. It’s helpful to write down examples or situations you would like to practice with and bring them to each class.

In this introductory each class will involve presentation of material, experiential learning exercises, and discussion. Exercises are structured to maximize learning and integration through the use of mindfulness, embodiment, role plays, and experiments. Exercise instructions will be in your handout to provide ease and clarity in participation. If at any time an exercise doesn’t work for you, one of trainers will help you redesign it to meet your learning needs.

You will work in pairs and small groups. Most exercises are between 20-40 minutes. You get to choose what you practice with for each exercise. The level of vulnerability from which you engage is only that which you choose in order to support your learning needs. It’s helpful to write down examples or situations you would like to practice with and bring them to each class.


We will cover the following Relationship Competencies:

EMPATHY: COMPETENCY 2

There are so many benefits of cultivating empathy in your relationships. When you can give and receive empathy, each person has a deep sense of being heard. Knowing you can be heard, defensiveness relaxes and connection becomes possible. Empathy contributes to healthy differentiation, as well as emotional security. With empathy, you can truly be a companion and support for another without taking on their struggles as your own.

Empathy is a heart-based response to a heart-based expression of another. Empathy means giving your compassionate curiosity to another’s experience without having an agenda. It often involves verbally guessing another’s feelings and needs. For example, when your someone shares about a difficulty at work, instead of trying to problem solve you can make an empathy guess like, “Are you feeling discouraged because you need support?” In this way, empathy makes space for being present with feelings and needs so that the door to wisdom and compassion opens naturally.


HONEST EXPRESSION: COMPETENCY 3

Honest expression is a rich and subtle practice that empowers you to live in alignment with your deepest values. It often feels vulnerable, as it requires awareness and direct expression of your needs and explicit acknowledgment of interdependence through specific and doable requests, and negotiation with others. It helps you to truly collaborate with others while fully maintaining autonomy and self responsibility.

Honest expression includes the following:

  • Awareness of your intention when you speak

  • Awareness of the quality of connection in a given moment, both with yourself and another

  • Taking responsibility for reactivity by learning to recognize it and then name it aloud and/or taking time to get grounded before continuing to engage in dialogue

  • Expressing feelings and needs with full self-responsibility by making specific and doable requests of yourself and/or another

  • Taking responsibility for thoughts, speech, and reactivity by discerning the difference between what you actually observed and the interpretations you made

  • Knowing the difference between universal needs and related preferences and strategies for how needs are met

  • Communicating specific and doable requests as the starting point of collaboration


NEEDS BASED NEGOTIATION: COMPETENCY 7

Learning needs-based negotiation will give you a sense of ease and creativity as you face the most difficult situations in life. You will be able to enter into challenging dialogues with a confidence that all needs can be honored.

There are three key distinctions that make needs-based negotiation different from other forms of negotiation. First, in needs-based negotiation, the quality of connection is top priority. We trust that when there is a particular quality of connection, collaboration and creativity become accessible.

Second, when the aliveness of needs/values in the present moment inform the process, we find truly effective strategies, solutions, and agreements.

Lastly, needs-based negotiation is inclusive. It rests on a confidence that each person can be equally honored and respected.


LIFE SERVING BOUNDARIES: COMPETENCY 8

Having clarity about life-serving boundaries in relationships allows a greater sense of security and freedom. When you know what the boundaries are for you and others, you also know where you are free to play and grow together.

Setting life-serving boundaries means having clarity about what really serves life or meets needs and making a conscious decision about how you will relate to another or behave in a particular situation. To set life-serving boundaries, you need to be able to recognize and honor your own needs, speak clearly about them, understand the verbal and behavioral language of boundary setting, honor the needs of others without taking responsibility for them, and engage in healing work with regard to your experiences of boundary violations in the past.

Learning to set life-serving boundaries is a competency that helps you embody an authentic life and live respectfully with others.


RELATIONSHIP REPAIR: COMPETENCY 10

When you learn the skills of relationship repair, you can remain equanimous in times of disconnect. You trust that you can find your way back to connection in the face of hurt and anger. Relationship repair builds confidence that your relationships can weather the most difficult of times.

Relationship repair means coming back together after an experience of disconnect and unmet needs. Relationship repair requires the intention to connect and take responsibility for your behavior by naming what didn’t work, offering empathy, and making a plan to do something differently next time.

Relationship repair is most effective when you take care of reactivity before you begin the dialogue. Repair dialogue is a likely place for blame, shame, and defensiveness. By working with reactivity in specific ways before you initiate repair, you can maintain focus on connection, empathy, and honesty. Repair can then become an opportunity to build trust and learn how to move forward in new ways.

Details:

  • Trainer: LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

  • Assistant: Sarah Zimmerman

  • Prerequisites: None

  • When: Sept. 10-Oct. 29 (8 week class series) Thursdays 7:00pm to 9:00pm

  • Where: 4312 SE Stark St, Portland, OR

  • Cost $195

 

Register: