Pause & Resource
Resourcing, in the way I am using the term, means reconnecting to your source of grounding, nourishment, and wholeness.
Recently a student told a story of how she resourced before a big family meeting. For her this meant a long walk in the park, connecting with a sibling she was close to before the meeting, having the meeting in a place she felt comfortable in, and reminding herself of what she knew about the true intention (needs) of each person and herself. She was able to attend the meeting in her resourced self and experienced a positive connection with her family.
Resourcing can also be simple and in the moment. Pause a moment in the midst of, or before starting, a difficult conversation. Notice where you are tensing up. Let your shoulders relax, your face relax, sit back in your chair with a straight spine, and take a long deep breath, notice the air filling you and then exhale fully. Remind yourself of your intention and the intention of the other person. Whatever difficult or confused behaviors someone is expressing, underneath there is always the intention to meet some life giving need.
Pausing early and often keeps the resourced you on-line. When reactivity arises without your mindful awareness, it often builds momentum and pulls you into a limited perspective and contracted body. You find yourself compulsively saying and doing things that you know won't help.
You can prevent this by practicing resourcing throughout the day. Teaching yourself to pause in the midst of activity helps free you from limiting habits. Take a moment right now and look away from this screen out the window or close your eyes. Resource yourself using the steps above in paragraph three or in your own way.
With your partner, set up a signal for pausing an resourcing that either of you can give at any time in the midst of a conversation. Agree on at least one day where you will practice using this signal several times throughout the day. You might notice irritation at first. You want to get your whole thought out and don't want to be interrupted. Perhaps you are afraid you won't remember what you were going to say or you won't be heard. Experiment with letting the fear and irritation be there and pause anyway.
As you create spaciousness in your relationships and in yourself through pausing and resourcing, you will find that you are able to remember what's important to you, express that, and be heard even when there is interuption.
This week set up a practice of pausing and resourcing on your own by setting a timer on your phone or computer to remind you to pause. Set up a practice with your partner by choosing a signal and agreeing to practice it on a day you will spend together.