Identify Your Needs On The Fly
As you begin to integrate the consciousness and skills of Compassionate Communication (NVC), you realize how important it is to be able to identify your needs and how difficult it can be in a given moment. Of course, as you practice this will become easier and easier.
In the meantime, I would like to offer you some shortcuts to identifying your needs "on the fly".
1. Work backward from your strategy.
That is, identify your request or the way you want something to go and ask yourself the question, "What will that get me?"
2. Use more familiar language.
Sometimes using more familiar words is helpful in accessing yourself. Instead of asking "what do I need?", try these questions to yourself?
"What's important to me about this?"
"What do I really care about here?"
"What matters most to me about this?"
"What are my values in this situation?"
"What am I committed to right now?"
3. Imagine the perfect scenario.
See yourself in this perfect scenario or outcome of your current difficulty, and then ask what makes it perfect. What are the qualities, attitudes, and feelings present? What needs are being met?
4. Ask for help.
Let the other person know that you know there is something deeper that you care about (need) but you can't quite name it. Ask him or her to help you name it.
This week choose one of these practices to identify your needs as you go through your day.