A Vision of Success with a Stuck Argument
When you are stuck in an argument, it helps to be able to hold a vision for what's possible.
I have written numerous articles around how to create connection in the midst of arguments. For this article I want to focus on what it looks and feels like when you have succeeded in creating that connection.
Here are some things you will notice when you and another have created connection around a stuck or difficult issue:
§ You sit back, your body relaxes, and you breathe more fully.
§ Warmth comes into your heart.
§ You feel hopeful about getting your needs met.
§ A willingness to hear the other more fully comes up.
§ A natural giving or spaciousness arises in which you find it easy to let go of "your way" and/or easy to entertain some new way that could meet all needs.
§ Creativity about how needs could be met flows easily.
Connection makes all this possible mostly because you no longer have to hold a defended and/or fighting position.
When another connects with your feelings and needs and you can receive this caring, (and vice versa) you can start to trust that this person is working in collaboration with you rather than in competition. You no longer have to "lawyer" for your needs and default to compromise in which the person with the best presenting case gets to have his or her needs met.
As you drop the defending and fighting you, your physical and emotional bodies release from a contracted state. Energy can flow again allowing warmth, spaciousness, and creativity to arise naturally.
As you learn to drop right/wrong thinking and make connection a priority, you get to experience this expansive state more and more. The more you experience it, the more you will trust this new way of approaching relationship. The easier it gets.
This week notice when you are connected in a difficult situation. Let yourself be very aware of your body, emotions, thoughts, and words. Mindfully notice if you like this experience. If yes, commit to creating connection, in the next difficult interaction. This kind of mindfulness around success with connection helps to deepen your trust in a new way of relating.