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Reigniting Intimacy

One thing that makes new relationships exciting and intimate is the experience of being seen and celebrated.  When you begin a romantic relationship you notice and delight in your partner in a thousand ways. This is pretty easy to do when you are high on love chemicals and you haven't yet hit major stressors.  As your relationship continues and you encounter difficulty, the ease around delighting in each other may change but the need for it doesn't. 

Consistently expressing to your partner what you see and delight in, is the kind of consistent nurturing your relationship needs.

Appreciating and seeing your partner may include general supportive words like "good job," "you did great," or "that's wonderful honey."  But what's most nourishing is taking the time to notice your partner in a subtle way and let your heart soak in delight.  

Let's imagine a scenario.  Jorge and Julia have been together for 32 years.  Jorge comes home one evening and sees Julia in the garden.  She has loved gardening since he met her years ago.  The scene is a familiar one.  Jorge pauses to watch her and this time he really takes her in.  He notices the way she tucks her hair behind her ear.  He sees the slight smile and look of satisfaction as she drops ripe tomatoes in her basket.  He watches the way she moves being gentle and careful in her step.  Julia looks up and sees him looking at her.  "What?" she says.  Jorge walks over to her and says, "I love seeing you in the garden; the gentleness and love you express and how much you enjoy yourself.  I am so happy you have this."

Here Jorge expresses his delight in something meaningful and alive for his partner.  He takes time to just watch her and notice her in the smallest of moments.  Delighting in your partner in this subtle heartfelt way can help wake up the intimacy between two hearts that have drifted apart.

Practice
This week delight in your partner at least once each day.  Put a bead or small stone in your pocket at the start of every morning as a reminder of your intention.

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2 Responses

  1. May 17, 2018
    Pam in Minnesota

    So lovely. Thank you for this.

  2. May 17, 2018
    Sally

    I love the example given from a day in the life of this couple, relishing the joy of the other and I dislike what I hear as judgement, like "good job". My partner hates to hear that.

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