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Needs, what are they?

For me this work is about awakening to truth.

NVC is both a consciousness and a set of tools that helps you turn toward and connect to truth of what is alive without resisting or grasping.

When you can turn toward what's alive, whether it be pleasant or unpleasant, without judgment, without resisting or grasping, you create a space in yourself. This is the space where the truth of the moment is revealed or as a Christian friend of mine says – "where you can hear the small still voice of God." NVC helps to create this space. One way it does this is by identifying and connecting with needs.

Needs, for me, are life energies, that's how I experience them. Needs are a way of labeling particular life energies flowing through you or someone else in a given moment.

When I accurately connect with someone's need in the moment, I can feel and see an energetic shift in them. I help them connect to their own experience and they resonate with the life flowing through them. I am proposing that needs are life energies that are flowing freely not attached to a self. How is this relevant to our daily communication and interaction?

When you can experience needs as existing independently of self, other, or some particular strategy. You are less likely to take responsibility for someone's needs from a place of obligation or guilt and you are less likely to make demands and feel desperation or anger when someone says "no" to a request you make.

Experiencing needs as free flowing energies rather than "desperate have to's" or "negative neediness" you can respond to what's alive with an open heart. Take a moment right now to notice the life in you. Look through your needs list and find the words that match that life energy and then, most importantly, notice your relationship to these needs - resistance, grasping, acceptance, or open-heartedness?

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1 Response

  1. Jun 06, 2012

    I love the work you are doing. I'm looking for a list of feelings and the needs that are related to them. It seems like you had written something like that, but I can't find it. It was a chart listing the corresponding feelings to needs (I think). Do you have that, and would you be willing to email it to me? Thank you so much! Debra

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