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Healthy Boundaries in Relationships (Online)

Is this you?
You want to be generous and kind, yet find that you are giving yourself away.  Or perhaps you want to be closer to others and find yourself feeling distant and disconnected regardless of your hope to be close.  Or perhaps you find yourself hanging out for toxic interactions wishing you could rely on yourself to set a boundary.

Just listening to LaShelle speak from an NVC consciousness, I can feel my brain cells being rearranged. It’s so important for me to live the values of compassion and honesty. LaShelle has helped me get to a whole new level of understanding about how I can be honest and come from compassion.
Holly Glaser

What's it all about?
Learning to set boundaries with yourself and others helps you create a life that is balanced and nourishing.  From the framework and consciousness of Mindful Compassionate Dialogue (MCD), a life giving boundary means having clarity about what meets needs and what doesn’t relative to incoming contact and expression – physical, verbal, emotional, mental, & energetic.  In sum, it means discerning the level of connectedness you would like in any given interaction and the needs you would like to meet.  Such clarity allows you to consciously welcome more contact and/or expression or consciously shift the level of contact and/or expression.

How it works?
For each class we will begin with five minutes of guided meditation.   I will present a particular concept and skill.  There will be an opportunity for questions or requests.  Then you will practice the skill in a short structured exercise in either pairs or a small group or within the whole group.  Students will be signing in from their own location in real time, at the same time.  Exercises can be modifed to give you more or less challenge depending on your learning edge.  You may also engage in role plays.  There will be an opportunity for debrief and questions after each exercise.

We will be able to see and hear each other in little boxes on the screen.  It's important to have a light in front of you not behind you.  The technology allows for breaking up into to pairs or small groups that I can visit and check in with just as I would do in an in person course. 

It's okay to miss one or two classes in a series.  You will receive a recording of the class and be asked to view it and do the corresponding exercises before the next class.  Students won't be shown on the recording.

You can also opt to take the series only through the recording and ask any discussion questions via email.  I recommend you find someone to do the course exercises with if you are receiving the recording.

You will receive  a detailed handout as a part of the class that you will need to have with you for each class. 
Thank you for helping me save my relationships.
Student, Portland, OR

Topics for the series:

Introduction to Boundaries
An essential part of setting boundaries is being aware of and honoring your own needs.  The series will begin with exercises to teach you how to stay grounded in yourself in difficult interactions.

You will also learn about six different types of boundaries and work with examples for each.  In structured exercises you will have an opportunity to study how you set boundaries and organize priorities.  Specifically you will have an opportunity to notice how you may have systematically excluded certain needs from being met while others are tended to regularly.

Boundaries and Family of Origin
You will identify boundaries that you learned as a reaction to difficulties in your past and what it looks like to create boundaries that really meet your needs today.  This will mean taking some time to reflect on patterns in your family of origin and patterns in your past relationships.  You will have the opportunity to study and practice compassion for how old patterns of boundary setting met needs when you first learned them and how they are costing needs now.

Evaluating Boundaries
You will learn tools to evaluate the boundary that will best meet your needs and the needs of others in a variety of relationships such as with yourself, work, school, family, friends, and intimate partnership.  You will then practice ways to set the boundaries you want in those relationships.

Boundaries and Power
You will spend some time studying power dynamics in experiential exercises.  You will have the opportunity to study how you engage in power over or power under and make distinctions about how to maintain equitable power (power with) in hiearchies at work and in community.  

Repairing Boundary Violations
Repairing boundary violations can happen in a variety of ways.  You will practice offering and asking for repair in relationships in which you want to maintain healthy intimacy and those in which you want to maintain healthy distance.  You have a chance to practice staying in MCD consciousness while sharing at a level and in a way that is in alignment with boundary you want to maintain.

Boundaries and Life Decisions
Boundaries isn't just about specific interactions, it's also about creating structures that support you and your loved ones in living from your deepest values.  You will have a chance to study the structures in your life and how they are meeting and not meeting your needs.  You will have a chance see how core beliefs and reactive habbits influence your decisions and how you can ground in a sense of agency in your life.

Need more information before deciding whether or not to join?  Give me a call (503-544-7583) or send me an email with your questions or concerns.


2:30pm - 4:30pm PST, Eight Consecutive weekly meetings on Fridays beginning July 27 - September 14, 2018
Online Course

CANCELLATION POLICY:  to meet needs for inclusion, security, and predictability refunds are only given if requested 72 hours before the start of the course, so please discern carefully.

Online courses can be attended live or via receiving the recordings & materials.*   An eight week course is offered once every quarter.  Class size is limited to 14 live participants.  Please indicate your preference on registration in the "hopes for the course" section.

Video Conferencing Sessions are conducted using Zoom (you can download the app for free or simply click the meeting invite and it will download for you). For more technical information about zoom, you can go here:

Zoom minimum speed requirements are:  600kbps/1.2Mbps (up/down) for HQ video. For gallery view: 1.5Mbps/1.5Mbps (up/down).  You can find free sites on the internet that will measure your speeds.  It is recommended that you don't use your internet provider for this measurement.  Router settings may impact speeds and can often be adjusted to increase speed.

A commitment to participation via recordings and materials for this class series means the following:

  • As non-live participants you will receive an extensive handout as well as both an audio and video recording of each session within 24 hours of the end of each session (4:30pm PST)

  • Questions regarding the material, recordings, and practice each week will be answered by LaShelle via email correspondence.  Please place the word QUESTION in all caps in the subject line so that we can track them and respond in a timely manner.