Wise Heart Intro Workshop Communication .jpg

Is this you?

You are dedicated to living an authentic life with compassion for yourself and others. You understand that the skillful communication and conflict resolution are essential ingredients for living in harmony with others. You have pursued a variety of personal growth and transformation resources and enjoyed learning and growing. And yet with the day to day of relationships you would like more skill and ease. Even when you do your best to communicate well and you find yourself caught in conflicts that don’t resolve easily.

You may be new to Mindful Compassionate Dialogue or you have taken classes before and want to continue practicing. You are ready to dedicate significant attention to this part of life. You are willing to learn new ways of understanding relationships, cultivate new skills, and deepen mindfulness. You are ready to practice in a safe environment that includes vulnerability and self-reflection. You are ready for support in empathic listening, identify & express core values/needs, making requests, setting boudaries, repairing hurt, & negotiating agreements.

“The “work” of WiseHeart is simply so important. LaShelle and Sarah create such a safe space to practice the work of connection, communication, and the expression of needs, feelings and values. In this case...a focus on boundaries. Highly recommended for anyone and everyone!”

— Mikki

What to expect:

In this introductory each class will involve presentation of material, experiential learning exercises, and discussion. Exercises are structured to maximize learning and integration through the use of mindfulness, embodiment, role plays, and experiments. Exercise instructions will be in your handout to provide ease and clarity in participation. If at any time an exercise doesn’t work for you, one of trainers will help you redesign it to meet your learning needs.

You will work in pairs and small groups. Most exercises are between 20-40 minutes. You get to choose what you practice with for each exercise. The level of vulnerability from which you engage is only that which you choose in order to support your learning needs. It’s helpful to write down examples or situations you would like to practice with and bring them to each class.

In this introductory each class will involve presentation of material, experiential learning exercises, and discussion. Exercises are structured to maximize learning and integration through the use of mindfulness, embodiment, role plays, and experiments. Exercise instructions will be in your handout to provide ease and clarity in participation. If at any time an exercise doesn’t work for you, one of trainers will help you redesign it to meet your learning needs.

You will work in pairs and small groups. Most exercises are between 20-40 minutes. You get to choose what you practice with for each exercise. The level of vulnerability from which you engage is only that which you choose in order to support your learning needs. It’s helpful to write down examples or situations you would like to practice with and bring them to each class.

We will cover the following Relationship Competencies:

RECOGNIZING REACTIVITY: COMPETENCY 5

Recognizing reactivity means freedom. The moment you can recognize reactivity arising, you can be free from its grip on you. In addition, when you learn to track reactivity in yourself, you can more easily recognize it in others. This means you can take effective action to prevent escalating arguments.

Reactivity is defined as the misperception of threat to one or more needs. It can be recognized by at least three main characteristics:

1) A change in physiology, such as heart rate or breathing

2) A stuckness or narrowing of view

3) A loss of access to creativity, skills, broad perspective, wisdom, and compassion

Recognizing reactivity means becoming familiar with the many signs and symptoms that it is arising. When you fully know reactivity, it can’t take over. You get to choose speech and actions that truly serve you and others.

MANAGING REACTIVITY: COMPETENCY 6

When you learn to manage reactivity effectively, a whole world of possibility opens up for you and your relationships. You find it is safe to be yourself in your relationships. Reactivity can come and go without causing major ruptures in connection. You see it as normal and trust that it won’t take over. When you are not walking on eggshells because of reactivity, your relationships have space to grow and evolve in new ways.

Once you learn to recognize reactivity, it becomes your cue to engage the skills you have for managing it. Managing reactivity includes skills such as regulation, interpersonal de-escalation, self-empathy, naming, recognizing blame, working with tender needs, and engaging in healing work.

EMPATHY: COMPETENCY 2

There are so many benefits of cultivating empathy in your relationships. When you can give and receive empathy, each person has a deep sense of being heard. Knowing you can be heard, defensiveness relaxes and connection becomes possible. Empathy contributes to healthy differentiation, as well as emotional security. With empathy, you can truly be a companion and support for another without taking on their struggles as your own.

Empathy is a heart-based response to a heart-based expression of another. Empathy means giving your compassionate curiosity to another’s experience without having an agenda. It often involves verbally guessing another’s feelings and needs. For example, when your someone shares about a difficulty at work, instead of trying to problem solve you can make an empathy guess like, “Are you feeling discouraged because you need support?” In this way, empathy makes space for being present with feelings and needs so that the door to wisdom and compassion opens naturally.

HONEST EXPRESSION: COMPETENCY 3

Honest expression is a rich and subtle practice that empowers you to live in alignment with your deepest values. It often feels vulnerable, as it requires awareness and direct expression of your needs and explicit acknowledgment of interdependence through specific and doable requests, and negotiation with others. It helps you to truly collaborate with others while fully maintaining autonomy and self responsibility.

Honest expression includes the following:

Awareness of your intention when you speak
Awareness of the quality of connection in a given moment, both with yourself and another
Taking responsibility for reactivity by learning to recognize it and then name it aloud and/or taking time to get grounded before continuing to engage in dialogue
Expressing feelings and needs with full self-responsibility by making specific and doable requests of yourself and/or another
Taking responsibility for thoughts, speech, and reactivity by discerning the difference between what you actually observed and the interpretations you made
Knowing the difference between universal needs and related preferences and strategies for how needs are met
Communicating specific and doable requests as the starting point of collaboration

NEEDS BASED NEGOTIATION: COMPETENCY 7

Learning needs-based negotiation will give you a sense of ease and creativity as you face the most difficult situations in life. You will be able to enter into challenging dialogues with a confidence that all needs can be honored.

There are three key distinctions that make needs-based negotiation different from other forms of negotiation. First, in needs-based negotiation, the quality of connection is top priority. We trust that when there is a particular quality of connection, collaboration and creativity become accessible.

Second, when the aliveness of needs/values in the present moment inform the process, we find truly effective strategies, solutions, and agreements.

Lastly, needs-based negotiation is inclusive. It rests on a confidence that each person can be equally honored and respected.

Details:

Trainer: LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
Assistants: Sarah Zimmerman and David Zimmerman
Prerequisites: None
When: Sept. 10-Oct. 29 (8 week class series), Tuesdays, 7:00pm to 9:00pm
Where: 4312 SE Stark St, Portland, OR
Cost $195 (Participants can opt to pay a $99 deposit to register, and pay the remaining balance on or before the first day of the workshop.)